i can't finish one thing i start. children disobey. they fight. i yell. my patience is gone. i want to walk out. just for a little. just to breathe. to think clearly. to do what i want to do, at the pace i want to do it. i feel like a wire on its last thread about to snap.
i wish i could say this was just a one time feeling. that it only happened yesterday because we were tired and they were getting colds. but we've had days like this before. we just fail.
the other morning, i was reading the book of jeremiah and came across verse 7. i'm sure i've read it before. but i never heard it until now.
"also, seek peace and prosperity of the city to which i have carried you into exile. pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."
i read it over and over. for days, i couldn't get the words out of my head. "seek peace in your exile - pray for it" i wasn't in exile. was i?
last night as i laid in bed and listened to the quiet of my sleeping home, i understood. some days, motherhood, is my exile. the days i want out. it can be lonely, suffocating. but Jesus is carrying me into these days, and will carry me out. i need just to seek him. cry for his peace over us. and just as He carried his people out of exile so many times, He will carry me.
yesterday, we didn't have peace and prosperity.
today, we can. i will pray for this day and the hard days.
i will seek Him today.